Husband Admits to Sleeping with Wife’s Sister. But Her Response Is the Best Thing I’ve Ever Read

When most people think of a divorce letter, they probably envision some type of legal document—perhaps with that thick, baby-blue paper backing that some of the more important ones warrant (at least in the movies)—but what kind of a letter would you picture if you knew it was written by someone before they actually told their partner that they wanted a divorce? The latter scenario seems infinitely more interesting, and an actual example of one of these letters below proves it:

“Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. . . . Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favourite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me any more; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me any more; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!”

Perhaps even more fascinating than the divorce letter above is the response to the divorce letter below:

“Dear Ex-Husband,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favourite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. . . . Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.”

Exponentially more interesting than legal documents, to say the least! Even though the above examples have humorous tones, divorce in the modern world occurs far too frequently, across virtually all western nations and classes. Unfortunately, the ends of relationships often reveal the worst in people, and it’s difficult to tell what is true and what is really meant under the circumstances.

Gwyneth Paltrow described a divorce years ago in particularly fantastical fashion: “We have been working hard for well over a year, some of it together, some of it separated, to see what might have been possible between us, and we have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate. We are, however, and will always be a family and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been.”

Paltrow alludes to spiritual divorce and unconscious uncoupling, which involves searching internally for sources of unhappiness as opposed to searching externally—in the direction of one’s partner, for instance. Paltrow’s philosophy also involves “wholeness in separation” and “coming together,” which seems to indicate a careful spiritual balance (among other things).

Yet, Paltrow later concluded (or admitted) that her marriage failed because she no longer wanted to take “care of everybody else,” although here reason is more valid than it may seem on its face: “I had built my life on trying to be all things to all people, and I just couldn’t do it anymore. I really had the sense that I wasn’t allowed to have needs, and I had to prove my specialness or self-worth by doing all this stuff and taking care of everybody else, and I just sort of hit a wall.”






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