Why Introverts (INFJs) Remove People from Their Lives with The “Door Slam.”

Myers Briggs Personality archetypes defines INFJs as being introverted, intuitive, sensitive, and judgmental, so perhaps it should come as no surprise that slamming doors often comes to be associated with them as well. More specifically, when INFJs enter into romantic relationships, they invest and bare so much emotionally that there is an equally powerful emotional response when relationships end as a result of betrayal or deception. In addition to “slamming doors” (physically and metaphorically), INFJs have also been known to immediately block telephone numbers, delete social media connections, and even move to another location if necessary. However, as alluded to, these measures don’t seem too extreme when you consider the high degrees of compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and dedication that INFJs have previously given to their partners.

Just as a physical door slam sends a loud and effective message, so too do other forms of door slamming (including and especially the metaphorical ones). In theory, the person experiencing the “wind” from the door slam should realize that things will have to change considerably if the INFJ is ever to walk through the door again, or, more accurately—the person will have to change (or at least alter their behaviour) considerably before the INFJ will ever walk through the door again. However, this shouldn’t suggest that the decision to slam the door was made out of impulse. INFJs convey their dissatisfaction to their partners in many subtler ways long ahead of time; however, INFJs also continue to provide their positive emotional energy at the same time, which can make the messages more difficult to comprehend for some partners.

But you can’t really blame INFJs for not being 100% assertive and blunt. It’s in their nature to be at least slightly passive, and it’s also in their nature to be highly intuitive. Or, to put it another way, INFJs are extremely conflicted—naturally. Of course it would be more beneficial for them to “slam things” a little louder throughout relationships and little quieter at the end of them, but this really isn’t physically, mentally, or emotionally possible in many situations. What’s more, although classic door slams are thought to be final or closing symbols pertaining to relationships, most INFJs do not see them this way. Instead, as discussed, they are meant to represent something like a final wake-up call or slap in the face—a gentle yet serious one. Indeed, it will likely be extremely difficult for INFJs to devote all of their emotional energy to these partners again—much more difficult than it initially was—but if INFJs sense that positive and productive changes have occurred, then they won’t be able to resist delving deeper in order to realize the entire extent and truth of these changes.

However, more often than not, these changes are never sensed—and INFJs never walk through a doorway which they slammed shut again. Phone numbers are never unblocked, social media connections are never undeleted, and neighborhoods or cities are never moved back to. In many cases, there may be nothing you can do to get an INFJ to give you another chance romantically—but at least now you’ll know why.

Comforting, isn’t it?


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