The Love of Your Life Comes After the Biggest Mistake of Your Life

A sad truth: Sometimes to be our most complete, we must first be broken.

When our hearts are broken, we feel as if we have lost everything. And in some ways, perhaps we have: That love may well have been central to our identity.

But here’s a truth: When we start putting ourselves back together, we find a new self.

We find lessons we refused to learn before. We glean truths we overlooked previously. We find ourselves humbled when it comes to love.

We learn that what we thought of as mistakes may also be seen as learning opportunities. And we take the time to actually learn the lessons we glossed over then, to soak into those truths we passed over at the time.

We need that failed relationship to push us toward our better, stronger, more independent selves—the people we need to be to find ourselves in our dream relationship.

It can be hard to accept that, as we’re still reeling from our heartache.

But the truth often is that we weren’t ready for the relationship we’re capable of, and only by breaking ourselves down and building back up anew are we able to find our true love, our twin flame, our better half.

That’s why it’s good that this has fallen apart, that our hearts have been smashed.

Without the heartache, we couldn’t come back stronger. We couldn’t come back better. We couldn’t come back wiser.

When relationships crumble, it’s because they weren’t meant to last, because we weren’t meant for each other, because we weren’t ready for real, deep, and meaningful love and commitment.

We need that loss because we need that healing, because we need to continue growing, because we need to continue developing our self-awareness and ability to love—to love both ourselves and others.

Because when we find the right love, there won’t be battles to fight. There won’t be heartache to mend. There won’t be reasons to change, either ourselves or them.

Instead, there will only be love. Two people that fit together. Two people that have found their best selves, only to find that together they can each push each other to be yet more.

And that’s why we need this heartache. To push us toward that point. To help us grow, to help us learn, to help us love more fully and more deeply.

Without the heartache, we can’t appreciate the right relationship when we look right at it. Without the heartache, we can’t embrace our true, developed self. Without the heartache, we can’t recognize what it is we’re looking for.

And that love? It won’t be like anything else we’ve felt before. But we’ll know it because of what we’ve come through already, and we’ll be ready.

When our great love comes, we’ll know it for what it is at least in part because of how our heart was broken, and we’ll be grateful—because all of the pain will be so minor compared to that great love.

How do I know? Because I’ve lived exactly that.


Elephant Journal

Psychology Today

Huffington Post


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