Maturity is held as a virtue in our society. But what does it mean to be immature? How are two people of the same age “more” or “less” mature? It may have to do more with childhood and upbringing than anything else.

Different ages of children have different needs. For parents who were unreliable at an early age, their children can grow up without proper stimulus for growth. It becomes a constant challenge to grow past the stage of their live where the experienced the least amount of love.

Feeling helpless and vulnerable in relationships, these children go on to be immature adults. With a wide variety of options for times and places where a child would not be properly provided for, different issues emerge as adults:

If you doubt your child’s abilities when they are young, they will grow up afraid of failure.

If you let your child down at a young age, they won’t be able to trust easily as they grow older.

If you are impatient with your child, they will grow to be too dependent upon you for their basic needs.

Each stage of life, and each deprivation of love and care, would produce a new issue to be dealt with later in life. Some people notice as adults that they are “stuck” in a particular phase, but often don’t have the necessary tools to break out of this pattern.

These people, stuck in their pasts, are not always the stereotypical loser — sometimes, they can be successful, independent people who happen to have emotional instabilities. Ranging from mild to extreme, childhood trauma also influences this possibility.

A competent therapist can go a long ways towards healing the hurt of a lack of love in childhood, as can loving family and caring friends. Once you’ve figured out what it was that was lacking in your childhood, you can begin to go about giving it to yourself, to heal those old wounds. The following video has more information about emotional neglect, and what you can do about it: